


liability - dan avidan + reader oneshot

by coffeeandcatwhiskers



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Medication, POV First Person, Songfic, dan avidan just cares a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 02:28:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17133329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandcatwhiskers/pseuds/coffeeandcatwhiskers
Summary: "i'm a little much for everyone."in which danny doesn't really know how to properly deal with the reader's depressive episodes but is absolutely willing to try.(based verrry loosely on the song liability by lorde, which is a BOP)lowercase intended





	liability - dan avidan + reader oneshot

sometimes, they start out of nowhere.  
we’ll just be sitting, watching television or talking or eating dinner.  
i’ll get really quiet and my brain goes to places i used to never let it and i’ll ask to be excused. he’ll say of course because it’s my apartment and dinner table, therefore i can leave it whenever i like.  
i’ll lie in bed, either sleeping the whole night away or pretending to sleep until his eyes are shut and then i’ll proceed to either cry or stare out the window until the sun comes back up.  
other times, they build up.  
i’ll wake up and know something doesn’t feel right until there we are, having a good time. my head starts screaming at me and i end up having to cling to him because i’m so scared he’s going to walk out the door.  
regardless, he consoles me.

there are days where i spend a whole 15 hours sleeping. i’ll forget to eat because i’m simply not hungry. he’ll walk in, lie next to me, wrap his arms around my waist and just hold me close to him. i think he’s scared to lose me, too.  
there are other days where i feel just fine. i’ll get out and talk to friends and feel like a normal person. those days are a scarcity more now than ever.

today is mixed up day. 

“(y/n)? are you in your room?” he’s home from recording videos with arin and he’s brought leftover takeout.   
“yeah.”  
“i didn’t wake you up, did i?” his voice gets louder as he approaches my bedroom from down the hall.   
“no.”   
“is it bad today?” i nod my head, hearing his soft footsteps on the carpet. “you took your meds today, right?”  
“yes.” he opens the drawer in the bedside table, making an observation that he could’ve just as easily obtained from what i just told him.   
“want me to lie next to you?”   
“please.” the curly haired boy climbs into bed and reaches his lanky arm across my stomach, pulling me closer to him. “i’m sorry, danny. you don’t need to take care of me. you’ve got work to do.”  
“if i didn’t want to take care of you, i wouldn’t be right here.”  
“i suppose so.” he gives me a sad grin and i turn over to face him completely.

“you look exhausted, baby.”  
“i didn’t sleep well last night.” his brows furrow and i can sense his concern.  
“you haven’t been lately. is there anything that’s specifically bothering you?”   
“i always get worried that i’m nothing but dead weight, holding you down. there’s so much you could be doing if you weren’t always wondering about my wellbeing.”  
“you know that’s not true, right? i may not be perfect at this, but i’m really trying, (y/n). being with you means so much more to me than having someone to sleep with. being with you means being with every part of you. flaws, insecurities, perfections and lack thereof.“  
“i know. i just don’t want you getting upset because i’m upset.”  
“that’s understandable.” he moves his hand up to my shoulder, rubbing it gently through my sweater with his thumb. it calms me to a slight extent. 

“has your brain at least been kind to you today?”  
“sort of.”   
“you haven’t been thinking about hurting yourself, have you?”  
“no.” i tell him the truth. half of the time, when i do think about it, i don’t act on it because i don’t possess the energy to do it.   
“good. i don’t like when you’re in pain.”  
“you’re too good to me, dan.”  
“we’re equal amounts of good for each other.”  
“i guess.”  
“look at me.” my eyes shoot up to meet his and i await his response. “i know your thoughts tell you otherwise, but you’re an absolutely gorgeous, sweet, beautiful human being. i think i’d lose my mind if i ever lost you. i want you to stay safe. you can tell me anything and i think i trust you enough to do so.” 

treating me like a human being who just needs care and the occasional load of affection shouldn’t be something i have to applaud a person for, but i repeat “thank you” to him in a fit of tears. he allows me to rest my head on his chest and i do, feeling his steady heartbeat and listening to his breathing while he holds me near him. 

“i wish i wasn’t so miserable all the time. the worst thing about all this is that i recognize that i'm extremely upset but i can’t do anything to change it.”  
“do your meds not help anymore?”  
“no. i need to get my dosage raised or the prescription changed entirely, but i just haven’t gotten around to it yet.”  
“do you want me to take you to see your doctor sometime soon? i can call and set up an appointment if you’d like. i know you don’t like talking on the phone a lot.”  
“if you could, yeah.” he nods, his curls bouncing gently against his forehead. “thank you, dan.”  
“you don’t have to thank me.”  
“i know. i’m just really grateful to have you.”  
“no way! i’m grateful to have you, too!” danny gives me a light grin, kissing my forehead gently. “so, since you don’t seem like you wanna get up and frankly, i don’t either, can we just sit here and cuddle until one of us falls asleep?”  
“that sounds perfect.”  
“okay. i love you, y’know?”  
“i know. i love you, too. so much.”

end

**Author's Note:**

> agh i'm so sorry, this is awful
> 
> anyway, this is the last content i'll be uploading until january 7th or after the day.
> 
> i hope y'all enjoy


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